These Advice shared by A Parent That Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - spending a few days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."